You asked me to write you a letter. A letter in which I would tell you how I have experienced the past few weeks, and what I have learned from all those experiences. I know why you're asking me that, and I've thought about it for a long time. And after all this thinking I came to the conclusion that I don't want to write a letter to you, but to myself. This letter is for the Skylar of a month ago. I hope you’re not disappointed, Riley, that this letter isn't addressed to you, but in this way I managed better to tell you what happened to me. And don't worry, Riley, you have my permission to read this letter too.
Hi Skylar,
It's me, your older me. The Skylar that you will be within a month. You will be surprised to receive this letter, but soon you will learn why. What I especially want to do with this letter, dear Skylar, is to reassure you. There are exciting times ahead of you, but know that everything will be all right at the end. I'm not going to tell you everything yet, but I'm going to tell you this: You will survive the coming month.
First I have some bad news for you, Skylar: You only have one lung, but you don't know it. You've never known otherwise. Living with one lung is a limitation, but you have learned to live with it. The good news is that within a few weeks you will have discovered your second lung. And suddenly a lot more will be possible. You have more oxygen, and you will be able to do things you couldn't before. Things you didn't even know were possible. You will feel like another person, a person who is richer than the person you are now.
In the meantime, you have already met Riley. At first glance she seems soft and friendly, but you don't trust her. She asks you very weird things. They may seem very superficial things, but these superficial things are going to drag you into a turmoil. I can already tell you that you can trust Riley. Not only does she look soft and friendly, she is also soft and friendly, and sensible, and supportive. She is your coach. You will sometimes resist what she asks of you, but she will break that resistance without you realizing it. And you'll thank her for that afterwards, because without her you won't be able to discover that second lung, and that would be a great pity for the me of today.
Skylar, you and your mother are not doing so well at the moment, and that's a little bit up to you. Now I can say that. I now have a better understanding of how difficult it was for her after the death of our father. I now realize that I didn't make it easier for her because of my rebellious behavior, even though that behavior was probably my way of coping with dad's death as well. You don't feel so good about yourself now, Skylar, and you don't have much self-confidence, but thanks to that second lung that will improve. I can only say: love your mother, and you will get an incredible amount of love in return. She is your best supporter. You will see that she will support you in all the crazy things you are going to do.
And then there's someone else, Skylar. Someone you already know a bit, but not so well. You're going to get to know her better, and she's going to get to know you better. And with her you are going to use that second lung. The second lung that hasn't worked all these years, and now has to learn to do what it has to do. That person will be your sparring partner, your buddy, who will practice with you. Moreover, you are going to become crazy about that person. She's going to be the best thing that ever happened to you. And you'll see that person getting crazy about you too, although you'll start to wonder why she is. Oh, I also would like to warn you: your first encounter with her is going to frighten you, but again, it's going to be okay.
Within a month you will still be wondering what to do with that second lung. Do you always want to use it? Can everyone know you have it? Sometimes you will even start feeling guilty for having such a second lung. Is that second lung a superpower, and will you become a superhero with a secret identity? What I can already tell you is that within a few weeks there will be an opportunity to use that second lung. You'll doubt at first , but then you will seize that opportunity, and many will see it. And they will look at you as if you are a superhero. You'll see what powers this lung has, and how your superpower does good things not only for you, but also for others. But you will also start to wonder if this superpower can't work against you. Some may not want you to use that second lung...
Yes, Skylar, there are exciting times ahead of you, but I can already tell you that you're still alive within a month. And that you are doing well.
In the meantime, I eagerly await the letter from my one-month older Skylar.
Kind regards,
your one-month older Skylar
To: Skylar's Diary - Day 30
Dear ukkiezorro, There are so many feelings and impressions that i would love to share with you that i hardly know where to begin. It is all such a lovely and confused tangle and perhaps that is how it should be. Still, i do understand that i have discovered such reassurance and contentment in my own embrace of my femininity and that my "confusion" seems somehow unimportant to me. i less and less and less feel any need to "control" or "act" or "opine" and am more and more and more content simply to be myself, centered in my self and in my home and in caring for myself and my home, and in nurturing beauty in myself and my home, and radiating love and beauty and nurturing and goodness, and yes some silliness too, to the women who surround and love and protect me. Finally, i can breathe and be more free. i am so happy that Skylar is discovering this, that she has found her second lung, and has expressed this is her letter to himself. i hope that Skylar can continue on his journey, which has only just begun, and that he / she will find ever greater freedom and love in the world. . . . i do understand that writing can be so demanding and i do understand all the dedication and time and feeling and meditation and craft it demands of the writer. i so very much admire you and i am so very deeply grateful for what you are creating and feel that it is so very very very important, for i believe in my innermost heart and soul that you are writing a better human future, that you helping to create a new and more beautiful and more hopeful world for all of us. i do n't know if i can be your "Riley". i really am not a leader. i am a more dependent and vulnerable and sweet spirit. i need to be sheltered and protected and nurtured and encouraged, and yes, appreciated and loved. In my own life i have come to gently look to women to provide for my needs and i have responded by devoting myself to them in turn with all my warmest and grateful love. This has been a gentle evolution over time which i have only been able to reach out for later in life. Although i am still busy with a quite demanding small home-based business, i am centered in the home where i am free to pursue my feminine interests. My lovely wife is successful in her work outside the home, and i support her success in tending to her needs, in maintaining our home to high standards of feminine caring, in preparing lovely meals, in just everything that assures her comfort and sustains her, and in caring for myself as well, to be as graceful and slender and soft and lovely and as charming and pleasing as i can be, as it gives me such JOY to be. i have become and am becoming such a lovely wife, and if i have come late to this, just look at how beautiful Jane Fonda is at eighty !!! So, there is hope for me as well in choosing such stylish role models !!! i have to pirouette off for the moment . . . i think you know that i am hopeful that Skylar can continue on his feminine path and find her natural JOY in this . . . but i shall be with you all along the way, dear ukkiezorro, dear Lucy, hoping that you may continue to breathe life into enriching possibilities for a better human future !!! Hearts and kisses, with my warmest heart's warmest and most grateful love O O o x x o O O Laurianna
ReplyDeleteThanks again for sharing all this, Laurianna. To be honest, I'm a bit tired now. I've just added another post, but I think I need a few days rest before I can continue. Meanwhile, I hope you continue to embrace and enjoy your femininity. ukkiezorro xxx
DeleteDear ukkiezorro, Of course, it does seem to me that you could use a few days rest after your marvelous and all-but-continuous run of the past month. i am sorry if i may have been too exhausting in clamoring for more and in whatever other way i may have been demanding of you. i have been wondering if i might post some words about your beautiful stories on my tumblr "lauriannapayotblog" to make my little contribution in recommending them to other girls whom i feel would be uplifted by them as i have been. i shall devote a little time in the next few days to "writing-it-up". It has been such a relief for me to read your sweet stories. They have been like the water in a desert that can make a thousand flowers bloom. The "literary" landscape for our community has been so very bleak and cruel and distorting. It is way beyond time for us to be uplifted and inspired by such a positive vision as that which you have set forth. By the way, a truth that i am loath to share, but i am sixty-four, so i do have a little runway to go before i reach Jane Fonda's eighty+ years, and so much that i can and must do to breathe feminine life into my feminine life through my second lung. Anyway . . . O O x x O O Laurianna
ReplyDeleteEvery comment of you, I read with a smile, Laurianna. I would be honored if you would recommend my stories to others on whatever medium. I do agree with you that there should be more stories like this, and that was actually my motivation to start this up. You still have plenty of years to go, so I'd say squeeze all femininity out of it. xxx ukkiezorro
DeletePS . . . Of course, i shall send you a copy for review of my gratefully enthusiastic musings upon the glorious adventures of Skylar before sharing these with others on "lauriannapayotbog" . . . O O x x O O Laurianna
ReplyDeleteThat's really not necessary, Laurianna. An honest review is made independently from the creator... xxx ukkiezorro
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