Skylar's Diary - Day 16

It looked like it was going to be an exciting day again today, Dear Diary. Today I went to school with painted nails, in a cool boyish color, that's true, but still I wasn't comfortable with it. Why did I do it? Well, that's Riley's plan, she wants me to continue pushing the boundaries.

And once again not much attention was paid to it, as with the bracelet, although I have to admit that I have put my hands in my pockets more often than usual (and this time they weren't stitched up). The only exciting moment was during a debate in the class of Mrs. Liang. It was about gender issues, and we had to take a stand and defend it. Some of the boys felt that girls are too concerned about their appearance, and that they do so to get attention. I might have gone along with this a few weeks ago, but now I said:

"I do not agree, for two reasons. First, I don't think girls do that to get attention, but because they just like to look good. It has intrinsic value. Secondly, I think that boys are equally concerned about their appearance, only they do so in a different way."

I saw Raven smiling, and when we looked at each other, she winked at me. That gave me courage, and it was necessary, because then Brandon said:

"And that's what the guy with the painted nails says.”  That knocked me out for a while, especially because several other guys started laughing. But then Raven took the floor.

"It's not fair to say that, Brandon. It's not because Skylar painted his nails that he's wrong. On the contrary, I completely agree with him. By the way, what he is doing is questioning the current gender standards, and it takes courage to do so."

Wow, Raven stood up for me, and that had an impact, because the boys in our class respect her. She didn't say anything about her involvement in my nail polish adventure, and maybe that was a good thing. The discussion went even further, and thanks to Raven's intervention, I had enough confidence to occasionally take a deviating stance. After class, Mrs. Liang congratulated me on my strong performance during the debate. 

Apart from that it was a quiet day at school, and I had a chat with Raven during the break.

"Skylar, you're cooler than I thought."

"And I want to thank you for standing up for me."

In the evening Riley came by again. I thought she was bringing really nice clothes today. There were no more shorts, only skirts and dresses, but they weren't overly girly. You know, with bows and flowers and frills and stuff. I would describe them as play clothes for girls my age. Eventually I opted for a blue corduroy overall dress, with a simple white shirt underneath. This is a keeper, I think. By that I mean, something that I can enjoy walking around at home.

It struck me even more now how Riley neatly folded the clothes I had tried on. To test her, I pushed a pile of folded clothes to the side, so they wouldn't lie nicely on top of each other anymore. And yes, she put the pile of folded clothes back straight. Then I told her that I wanted to continue fitting clothes, and I did this in a very messy way. I took off my clothes, threw them each time in a different place in the room, and quickly put on something else. And every time she cleaned up.

"But just leave those clothes for a while," I said.

"I don't like mess, Skylar."

"Oh, but I don't mind, just look." And while I was saying it, I made more mess, and threw some more clothes up through the room.

"Skylar, I don't like this." And yet I went on, and laughed out loud.

"Skylar, why are you doing this?"

"Just for fun."

"How can you find that enjoyable? You'll see that it'll only be trouble if you make a mess."

She sounded a little angry, so I stopped.

"I'm sorry, I just wanted to test you."

"That's all very well, but now you can help me clean up."

I don't like to clean up, but because I saw that Riley was a bit upset, I helped her. She calmed down soon anyway, and she asked how things went at school today. With some pride I told about the debate in Mrs. Liang's classroom, and about my painted nails that suddenly became a topic of conversation. 

"Wow, Skylar, I really appreciate you standing up for the girls, and for yourself. Well done."

It's true. That's how I feel about it too. I am more open-minded than a few weeks ago. I have started to look at things from different angles. I take positions with which I wouldn't agree in the past. I understand girls and women better. I have more self-confidence, for example by doing things I wouldn't dare to do before. Wearing girls' clothes is still something for the home though. I don't see myself going outside in a skirt.

To: Skylar's Diary - Day 17