"Should I go dressed like this, or should I wear something else?" she suddenly asked.
"I don't care, Raven, I'm fine with what you’re wearing now."
"Really? Be honest. Have you ever seen me in nicer clothes?"
"I have, but..."
"Come with me to my room. You know what? You can choose what I have to wear."
"Oh Raven, I don't know if I can do that."
"To know if you can do something, you have to try it!"
Eventually we went to her room, and she threw open her wardrobe.
"Tell me. You can choose: pants, skirt or dress."
"If I can really choose: skirt."
"That's what I thought. Long skirt? Short skirt? Midi skirt?"
"Erm…"
"May I guess what you are thinking? Miniskirt."
"Raven, I..."
"Ah, I know, I shouldn't tease you like that. I know what boys like most, you know." She took a white tight miniskirt out of her closet. "But you have to choose what I wear above it. Look, here are all my tops and blouses."
I went through the pile, and after looking at everything, I made a choice. I showed her a blouse.
"Beautiful. Can you describe it in words?"
"I'd say a light sky blue sleeveless blouse with ruffle front."
"Wow, I’m impressed. Riley has already trained you well." She took the blouse and went to the bathroom to change her clothes. She came back and posed for me.
She looked fantastic. "Those clothes look great on you." I learned this trick from Riley. If you give a compliment to a girl, say something about what she's wearing. If you only talk about her looks, you give the impression that you want something from her.
"Thank you."
"Can we leave now?"
"Oh, but can't I choose what you will be wearing?"
"Why? Isn't it fine what I'm wearing now?"
"It is, but don't you like to wear something else?"
"I may, but I don't have any other clothes with me."
"I know that too, silly, but you can wear something of mine?"
"Raven, I'm not ready for that."
"Skylar is a sissy. Skylar is a sissy." She started to tease me.
"Riley thinks that's a very inappropriate word."
"That's true, I'm not supposed to say that, I know, but I do use it the other way around. That word is often used for boys who look too girly, but I use it now for a boy who doesn't dare to look girly."
"I do dare looking girly."
"OK, put on my clothes then. The ones I was wearing today. If you dare."
I was challenged, and I could hardly admit that I didn't dare. What Raven was wearing today was not so bad. She was wearing a dark legging with an over-sized T-shirt. It was so big though that it looked like a dress. And she was also wearing a silly cap today, one of those with cat ears.
"OK, I'll do it, but then we'll go to the other side of town. I'd rather not bump
into anyone I know."
"Deal."
There was no other option. Raven gave me her clothes, and now I went to the bathroom. We have the same size, so fortunately that was no problem. It was strange of course. First and most of all because those clothes smelled like her, but it was a nice scent. And also because these are the clothes of a girl I like to hang out with. And also because these are girls' clothes. Well, I could still sell it as a joke. I didn't look ridiculous, I thought.
We took the subway to the other side of town, and ended up near the mall where I already went shopping with Riley. I remembered the shops where Riley and I went in.
"Come on, let's take a look here. Here they have nice clothes." I said.
"Wow, Skylar, I didn't expect you to take an initiative like that."
We went in, and we walked off the shelves one by one. I asked her if she knew what she was looking for.
"Oh, nothing specific."
Oh, that made it harder, so we had to look at everything. Once in a while she took something out of the rack. Sometimes she hung it back quickly, sometimes she asked me what I thought of it. I tried to be very honest. If I didn't like it, I would say so, and if it was worth a try, I would take it.
"I'll take care of everything you want to try on."
"That's nice of you."
If we had enough items, we'd go to the fitting rooms. Raven tried something on, came out, looked in the mirror, and kept asking me what I thought of it. I was a bit surprised by myself that I always had an opinion. "No, that's a little too big. Yes, that color suits you well. No, those sleeves are too long. Yes, that would fit well with those pants from before."
"Wow, Skylar, I'm again impressed. You're an ideal shopping buddy."
That's how we went to different shops. Occasionally Raven bought something, and usually not too expensive things. She only bought something when I liked it too.
"Did Riley teach you how to shop?"
"Yes, actually she did."
"You must have an innate talent to learn so much in such a short time."
"I don't know."
"Rest assured. Every girl would love to have a friend with good taste, who likes to go shopping with her. Oh, look at that dress."
We just walked past a shop window.
"You mean that light blue with the marine collar?"
"Yes, that one."
"Would you like to try it on?"
"No, it's not for me, it's for you."
"Raven, don't start again."
"Yes, but last time I said that if I would see something nice for you, that you should try it."
"Raven, I'm not ready for this."
"Come on, just try it on, you don't have to buy it. And you can stay in the cubicle, so no one else sees you. I would love it so much, Skylar. Please, just do it for me."
"All right then." Raven was so excited, and I didn't want to temper her enthusiasm. We went inside, and looked for the dress in the racks. Raven found it first, and dragged me to the changing rooms. She hung up the dress in one of the cubicles and almost pushed me in.
"Easy, easy, Raven, we have time."
"I know, but I'm just having too much fun."
"Just wait a minute now."
I took off my clothes, well, her clothes, and fitted the dress. It had a zipper in the back, so I needed her help. "Raven, will you help me with the zipper?"
"Of course." She closed the zipper and looked at me.
"Keep the curtain closed," I said. She closed the curtain, but stayed in the box with me. We were very close to each other.
"It seems like a very cute dress, but I can't see it very well from up close. Moreover, there is no mirror here, so you don't see it either. Come out for a moment."
"Raven, you know I don't want people to see me like this."
"Yes, but there's no one here now, come on, quickly."
I trusted her, and rightly so, there was no one there. There was a mirror nearby, so I could see myself. I have to admit that I also found it a cute dress. It's the kind of dress I like to wear. It came just above the knee, and flared wider at the bottom.
"Oh, it fits you perfectly."
And then suddenly two more girls came to try something on, so I rushed back into my cubicle.
"Come on, Raven, help me take it off again. Raven? Do you hear me?"
She didn't answer, and I didn't dare to go and see. I looked through a slit between the curtain and the cubicle, and apparently she was talking to those two girls for a while. Would she know them? When she saw that I was looking, she came.
"What is the matter, Skylar?"
"That zipper, I can't open it."
"Oh, are you caught in a dress?"
"Raven, don't tease me now."
"And am I the only one who can save you?"
"Raven!" I whispered loudly.
"Sorry, I shouldn't take advantage of the situation. I know, I was teasing you, but you can always trust me. I will never go too far. Turn around for a moment."
As she pulled down the zipper, she asked.
"Are you sure you don't want to buy it?"
"Yes, I'm sure of that."
"Too bad."
Dear Diary, that wasn't even the most tense moment. We walked a bit further, and just like the previous time, Mrs. Liang was walking around there. She probably lives nearby. Raven saw her first.
"Hey look, there's Mrs. Liang."
"Hurry, let's go in here, she hasn't seen us."
"Are you kidding? Come on, let's say hello."
Raven grabbed me by the hand, and dragged me towards Mrs. Liang. "Mrs. Liang!" she shouted. There was no point in resisting anymore. Mrs. Liang had seen us. Act normal. Be spontaneous and confident.
"Oh, hi Raven and Skylar! What a surprise to see you here."
"Yes, we're shopping, just the two of us."
"How nice, and have you already found something nice?"
"Oh yes, Skylar was wearing something beautiful."
My biggest fear came true. Raven was going to tell it all.
"... but he didn't buy it. I have already bought some things myself."
Luckily Raven kept talking, long enough to let the attention for my experiment fade away. She does it on purpose, that's clear. She has a little power over me.
"Skylar, what you're wearing now, didn't Raven wear it at school today?" Mrs. Liang suddenly asked.
Damn, she had noticed that. Typical for women to remember what others are wearing. At first I thought, Raven will talk me out of this, but she kept quiet and looked at me. So the answer had to come from me. Be honest, never lie.
"Yes, that's right. Raven said I wouldn't dare," I said with a smile.
"That's funny," said Mrs. Liang.
Whew, I thought, but she continued.
"You're not afraid to look feminine, Skylar. Many boys don't dare to do that. I think that's courageous of you."
"And that's why I like Skylar so much." Raven continued.
Wow, the compliments piled up. But soon it wasn't about me anymore, but about school and stuff. All the better. We said goodbye to Mrs. Liang, and we had something to eat. During dinner I started talking about her teasing.
"Again, I'm sorry, Skylar. I just couldn't resist. I thought it was too funny not to tease you."
"I might have done the same thing, but I still find it annoying that you know my secret."
"Shall I tell you a secret too?"
"All right"
"I've had a crush on a girl before."
I was astonished. My first thought was, well, I don't stand a chance with her, but I wanted to hide my disappointment.
"Cool," I said "and nobody knows that?"
"I've never told anyone that before. It was only briefly, and rather superficially."
"And have you ever been in love with a boy?"
"Yes, a few times already, but I've never had a real boyfriend."
So there is still a chance, I thought.
"Skylar, you really can't tell anyone about this."
"I won't do that, but it's not that bad. You are certainly not the first girl having a crush on another girl."
"And you're not the first boy who likes to wear girl's clothes."
"I see what you mean."
Raven and I are getting closer together. That's for sure. Where it will end, I can't say yet, but things are going better and better. We took the subway back to our neighborhood, and I first walked to her house with her.
"I liked hanging out with you again, Skylar."
"Me too, Raven."
We looked at each other, and we kept quiet for a moment. She smiled, and I smiled back. Could this have been a moment? A moment when I could give her a kiss? I was thinking about it at the time, but I was hesitating for too long. Maybe she was thinking the same thing, or she was thinking of something else.
Then she said, "See you tomorrow, Skylar."
"I'll see you tomorrow. Bye."
Well, that was it, then. I walked on home, and realized halfway through that I still had her clothes on, and that my school stuff was still with her. I thought about going back, but it wasn't really worth it. So I arrived home with Raven's clothes on. Mother saw it. "What are you wearing now?" she asked. "The clothes of a friend." "Funny", Mother said "Do you know that girls often exchange clothes?" Ah, that's something to put on the list, I thought. Raven and I chatted online for a while, and she could laugh about it. She would take my school stuff to school tomorrow, and she would pick up her clothes sometime, she said. Well, I thought, that’s another opportunity to be with her.
Dear ukkiezorro, As a “man” i long-ago came to know within myself that I am happiest when I live from my heart, and, while I am not lacking in “intelligence”, i have come fully to embrace that I am happiest when I am true to my innate emotional intelligence rather than to any notions of intellectuality. At the heart of my emotional intelligence and natural well-being is my attachment to my now-departed mother, to her guidance and to her example and to her wisdom, which naturally extends to my feelings toward my spouse and toward women in general, upon whose guidance and example and wisdom--and support and protection--I depend. I am just so much feeling this morning that it may be important for me to try to express “why” I find your stories of Sklar’s steady liberation in exploring his own unique gender liberation and his own true femininity to be so very thrilling. Although for me the thrill of seeing myself in these stories and the gratitude I feel for this is more than enough, I do so want to express how wonderful and liberating these stories are for me . . . to see Skylar flower from a sullen young boy, alienated from his mother and from other girls, compulsively pounding away at computer games, gradually taught, encouraged, teased, and supported by Riley and Raven and his mother and teacher into the choice of a feminine world that is proving to be far more natural, satisfying, and happy for him / her. We see Skylar’s feminine evolution extended further in this latest exciting chapter. I don’t know where your stories will take me and your other devoted readers, but I am so grateful that you are leading us down this beautiful path toward the future when boys will no longer have to be angry and alienated and separated from their mothers in their early childhoods, a future in which many of us will be free to choose femininity and will be helped in their choices by a new world of social expectation and even by a new female medicine in which the hormonal disorders of male onset puberty may be corrected with proper blocking of male hormones and carefully applied therapies to overcome female hormone deficiencies, giving rise to a new generation of contented fe-male helpmates living in harmony and happiness with the women whom we so admire and are so happy to follow. Well, this is certainly more than enough from me. My mind is fairly bursting with all of this, but more importantly my heart is simply overwhelmed with feminine joy, so I shall gratefully pirouette off into all the thousands of happy feminine occupations which so sweetly fill my lovely day. Thank you ever so much, ukkiezorro, for your BEAUTIFUL stories, which so marvelously affirm the world in which I so happily live, and surely invite so many others to follow. O O x x O O Laurianna
ReplyDeleteI have to admit too, Laurianna, that these stories are not just fiction for me. There is indeed a kind of political message in it. And although the scenario might not be very realistic in the real world, I try to make it as realistic as possible. I'm pretty sure that in the near future acceptance will grow for boys expressing femininity. Another reason why I want to write this, is because many stories about boys transforming into girls involve power, dominance or even abuse from a female character. Going as far as corporal punishment. I don't want to blame anyone here, as long as it is fiction, or no one gets hurt, I'm fine with it. However, I think a story can also have sufficient tension without a dominant female character. And there's still sufficient reluctance in Skylar's character that makes all this a bit exciting. It's actually the same reluctance that I felt when trying female clothes as a teenager. I remember the guilt I felt. Later, in my twenties, I was happy to meet my current spouse, and finding out that for her it was all no big deal. What's wrong with a man wearing a skirt? That's what she said. I do not consider myself as a cross-dresser, since I'm not trying to pass as a woman, but I do incorporate feminine elements in my appearance sometimes. It's still a challenge, but I have sufficient confidence, thanks to my wife. Wow, this comment is long enough now. There is still so much to tell, but I'll do that later. Hugs and kisses, ukkiezorro xxx
Delete