Skylar's Diary - Day 21

Today was not a good day, Dear Diary. Maybe it was also because I had been awake in bed for a long time. I kept my thoughts on that wedding, and what could go wrong. I woke up, and I was still in doubt. And that doubt has only gotten worse. I'll tell you why.

There was no school today, and I stayed at home. In the afternoon Devon came along, my best friend. We had planned to meet earlier, so of course I wasn't wearing girl's clothes. In the beginning it was fun, we first played computer games for a long time. Devon is also a good gamer. I thought for a moment if I would introduce the dance game, but I didn't think that was a good idea.

At a certain point he starts talking about Raven.

"You've been hanging out a lot lately, haven't you?"

"That's true."

"Is there something going on between you guys?"

"No, we're just good friends."

"And what do you do together?"

"Oh, just hanging out. Going somewhere, walking around, eating something, talking."

"And do you think it will be more than just a friendship?"

"I don't know."

"Would you like that?"

"Maybe."

"Maybe? That's a yes."

"I really like her."

"Skylar has a crush. Skylar has a crush."

I blushed a bit.

"Stop that, Devon. That's not funny. As if you've never had a crush on someone..."

"I'll be honest with you. Raven is hot."

"Don't say that."

"Oh, can't I say that?"

"Oh, come on, do you want another drink?" I thought, let's change the subject.

After that we went to my room, and that was a mistake. "Have a seat in the couch," I said to Devon, " You can throw all my clothes on the floor." I admit, I'm messy.

"What is this dress doing here between your clothes?"

Oh no, I thought, the dress Raven gave me. Quickly, make up a lie. It's my mother's, no, it can't be, it's too small. A sister? I don't have one. It's Raven's? Then he will think that Raven and I have done something. Wait, what does Riley always say? Never lie, that only causes problems. Act normal.

"That's Raven's joke."

"What do you mean?"

Damn, how do I get out of here? Riley was right. It will only be trouble if you make a mess.

"She bought it for me."

"Why would Raven buy you a dress?"

I just told Devon what happened, although I kept certain details secret. I said that we went shopping, and that Raven challenged me (she actually challenged me to put on her clothes, not that dress), that I wouldn't dare to put on a dress, and that I had tried on a dress in the shop, but hadn't bought it of course, but that Raven then brought it yesterday.

"And did you put it on yesterday?"

"Yes, of course Raven wanted to see it again."

"Dude, what is wrong with you?"

"What do you mean?"

"Skylar, you are not the same lately. OK, a bracelet, even if it's girlish, that's still acceptable. Painted fingernails, that's getting a little strange. But putting on a dress, that is far over. Are you becoming a sissy?"

"I really think that's a hateful word."

"Yeah, me too, that's why. Look, the boys at school are already gossiping about you. The other day in the discussion you were also very much in favor of the girls, and that was not appreciated by the boys, you know. Until now I could defend you, but how am I going to explain that you are also wearing dresses now?"

"It was just a game, Devon."

"If it were only that, I could understand it, but it's systematic. You've changed. Look, boys are boys. Girls are girls. And you're a boy, so you can't be a girl."

"I don't want to be a girl either."

"I'm glad you say that, but stop acting so weird."

Then it became quiet. I didn't know what to say, and Devon had said what he wanted to say. He did realize that he had been a little hard on me.

"I'm sorry to say that, Skylar. I didn't mean to hurt you. You are my friend. My best friend, but what you do is embarrassing."

"I appreciate you being so honest, Devon."

"Come on, let's shut up and play some more computer games."

We played another half an hour, and then Devon went home. I felt bad. I started to doubt it all. Not just about the wedding, but about Riley's entire program. What am I doing?

In the evening Raven wanted to chat a bit more. It was painful. She was clearly still very enthusiastic.

"Hi, Skylar. How's my bridesmaid buddy doing?"

"I'm fine."

She kept sending cheerful messages, but I think I could hardly hide my lack of enthusiasm. I'm going to remove my nail polish before bedtime.

To: Skylar's Diary - Day 22