Skylar's Diary - Day 26

I've had another busy day, Dear Diary, and I think I'm ready for tomorrow, even though I'm still worried of course. 

Since I didn't have much time left, I took every opportunity to practice, thinking about what Raven taught me yesterday. I walked nicely upright to school, with not too big steps, and kept my school stuff in front of me as if it were a bouquet of flowers. I even swung a little with my hips. I kept checking though to make sure no one was watching me.

In the classroom I always sat up straight, and in my mind I was wearing a white dress. I held my knees together and crossed my ankles. When Raven saw me sitting like this, she too would sit up straight and wink at me. I have to say that it is exhausting to sit upright on a chair for so long a time.

During the breaks we secretly went to one of the corridors in the school where hardly anyone is ever there. And we walked from one side to the other, solemn yet elegant, graceful and with a smile, and perfectly synchronized. At one point the janitor caught us. "What are you doing there?" he shouted. We didn't say anything, and just ran away laughing.

After school we were picked up by my mother. We drove to the hall (so it was not a church) where the ceremony would take place, and Riley was already waiting for us. How excited all those women were. Riley had brought me a dress and shoes. I had asked for that myself, because it had to be as authentic as possible. When I had changed, we were just called together by the master of ceremony. Her name was Juliet. She was friendly but determined. She welcomed everyone and first gave a general introduction. Of course, the bridal couple was there too. I couldn't tell which one was born a man, but Riley had told me beforehand that I shouldn't be concerned about that. "If you really want to show respect, treat them both like women," she said.

The master of ceremony first explained step by step what was going to happen. She told everyone what was expected of them. Raven and I were paying close attention. We had to remember where to stand and sit, and when to do what. I think  that the most thrilling moment for me will be the entry. The first moment that everyone would see me. The boy as bridesmaid, who walks through the whole room, seen by everyone. However, the atmosphere was very cheerful. Everyone was a bit tense, but in a jolly way.

Suddenly I caught myself thinking for a second that I was sitting there wearing a dress as a boy. It was no big deal, for nobody. How nice was that. Everyone was just kind to each other. The world Raven spoke of earlier, existed here for a while.

Then came the moment that we also had to execute everything. Oops. Focus. Raven and I stood where we had to stand, at the back of the hall. Tomorrow we would also have to wait for the bridal couple there. Once there, Raven and I had to walk from back to front through the room, to next to the couple's chairs, and then turn around.

And then it was time. In my mind it was tomorrow. I imagined a full room. I looked at Raven, and she looked back. She smiled at me, and I automatically smiled back. This was the gaze we had been practicing. Internally we were tense and nervous, but our faces were shining. We looked ahead and walked down the aisle. There was soft music playing along the way. Raven and I walked forward synchronously, gracefully, elegantly, to our place. Then the bridal couple arrived. They had also practiced, you could tell. We went through the whole ceremony, including handing over the rings, because that was also our task. (But I don't have to watch over the rings, that's what Riley will do.)

"Perfect! Perfect!" the master of ceremony shouted. The rehearsal was over.

The best moment came afterwards. One of the two brides came to Raven and me, and addressed me. I thought she was a beautiful, tall woman, and she had a soft, rather low voice.

"So, you are Skylar, the boy who will play the young version of me."

So she herself came out that she was the one assigned male at birth, but I decided not to refer to that.

"Yes, I am, ma’am."

"Oh, don't call me ma’am, call me Meagan. Skylar, unfortunately I can't sufficiently express what this means for us. I am immensely, immensely grateful for this."

"You are welcome."

"And my future wife and I were very impressed with what you demonstrated today. You have all done so very well. So stylish, yet so charming, so appropriate for a wedding. I think you've been practicing."

"We started practicing last night, and haven't stopped since, but Raven had prepared it very carefully.”

"You must be Raven then", she continued, "thank you very much for everything you do."

"Oh, no thanks. We love to do this, and Skylar is a super talent."

"I agree. Skylar, I really hope you can enjoy it yourself, but I can imagine that it's not easy for you to do this. You need courage to do this, I can talk about it."

"I really enjoyed doing it today."

"That's so nice to hear."

Riley and mother were also very enthusiastic about our performance. We had clearly exceeded their expectations. But it was only a rehearsal of course. Tomorrow will be different, with a lot of people in the room.  Fortunately, I don't have to worry about all the things I have to think about: my shoes, the dresses, the makeup (yes, that was to be expected), the rings,... Riley and mother will take care of the logistics, they said. I just have to make sure that I sleep well. It was not so bad today, so tomorrow will be fine, although I keep feeling the tension.

I have also completed the list below.

To: Skylar's Diary - Day 27