Skylar's Diary - Day 30

Today I had a very fine session with Riley, Dear Diary, but let me start with what happened at school. Raven has already told a friend from school about us. She couldn't do otherwise, because that friend had seen us walking, hand in hand. I don't mind. It does mean however that tomorrow everyone at school will know. I don't mind that either. And neither does Raven.

So Raven had asked me to bring a pullover from me. I gave her one that I had worn for one day, and apparently she had the same idea. The intention is that I put on her pullover tomorrow at school, and she will put on mine. Just for fun, but also to confirm our relationship to everyone.

Other than that, not much special happened at school. The moments with Raven still make my heart beat faster. She is such a lovable girl. After school I took her home. We kissed again.

During the day I had sent a text message to Riley. I asked her if she could bring clothes that express power. She didn't ask why, she just answered "I will." I sometimes find her apparent lack of curiosity annoying, although I realize that she always has a good reason to do so.

When she got home, the first thing she said was: “Before I forget, Skylar, I am throwing a birthday party this Saturday, at my home. I would really appreciate if you would come.”

“Cool. Is Raven invited?”

“Of course she is.”

“Of course I’ll be there.”

“Great”. She took her bag and gave me a set of clothes. 

"This is what women often wear at work. Especially if they want to appear confident, for example at important meetings. And at the same time they radiate femininity. The combination of self-confident and feminine is very powerful."

I handed over my letter to Riley, and while she was reading it, I put on the outfit she brought. I must admit however that this outfit doesn't, or doesn't yet, suit me very well. It doesn't, or doesn't yet, match my personality, but I did like to wear it. As if I could feel the power this outfit generates. You could say it's the feminine version of a men's suit. The jacket and skirt were in the same dark grey fabric, and underneath I wore a white shirt,  sufficiently open to show cleavage, which I have not (yet) (just kidding). I also wore dark transparent stockings and pumps with high heels. This could have been my superhero suit, I thought.

While I was looking in the mirror, Riley was reading the letter. Of course I was a bit insecure. Would she like the letter?

She didn't say anything immediately. It seemed like it took her a long time. And then I saw something that I didn't expect, but that reassured me. I saw a few tears in her eyes. She put down the letter, and first took a tissue. Then she spoke.

"Skylar, this letter is the best letter you could have written. You can't imagine how happy you make me with this letter."

She didn't talk all the way through. She paused regularly.

"Your metaphor. I understand perfectly what you mean, and I totally agree with what you write."

She paused again. She was obviously a bit sentimental, and I noticed that she is not used to that herself, at least not in front of others.

"What you write about me, about your mother, and about Raven, is so sweet. And so beautifully worded."

"Erm, thank you." I thought I had to say something.

"What you write confirms my findings, and it will help us decide what to do next. Come on, sit down, I want to tell you a few things."

I sat next to her, and she said a lot. I'm trying to write down the most important thing here.

"What I like so much is that you describe your feminine side as a second lung. So it's not about something you do, or about the choices you make, but about who you are. It's a part of you. A part that you've only just discovered, and so far haven't used much. And what I like even more is that you say that it makes you a better person. What you write so much confirms what I hoped to achieve with you."

As she said all those things, I felt myself grow. As if at that moment I felt how quickly I was changing.

"Your letter also says what you are not, you are not a girl trapped in a boy's body, like Meagan used to be. I had already come to that conclusion. Your first lung is well developed, and that's why everything has gone reasonably well so far. For example, you're rather competitive, you don't like losing, and you can't stand being called a coward. These are typical boys' characteristics. And you're also crazy about a girl. But your second lung is at least as strong as your first. That's the girl in you, and you know she can give you many powers. I now understand why you wanted to try those clothes. I really appreciate you took this initiative."

"But am I a he or a she?" I asked. That's a question I've been wondering about for a while.

"It's actually a wrong question. You are a he and a she. You are both, but the 'she' in you wants to develop further, because she has been locked up for so long. I can see that in the questions you ask at the end in the letter."

She thought for a moment again, because she wanted to formulate good answers to my questions.

"You wonder why Raven is so crazy about you. I can only give you this advice: just ask her. There's no need to be afraid of that. You know, a few weeks ago I first told her about what I'm doing, and she really loved the idea. It was also her request to be able to hang out with a boy like you."

That’s something I didn’t know yet. She continued.

"I really appreciate that you see your second lung as a superpower, and not as something that makes you weaker. It's also wise of you to realize that superpowers can also turn against you. But unfortunately I can't tell you exactly what to do with it. From now on you have to make the choices, Skylar. You are strong enough, and I will be there to help you, and to advise you. You have to think about it yourself. Keep in mind that you already have this advantage: You've already once used your superpower."

"That's true, but everything fell into place at the time. The wedding was the perfect opportunity to try out my superpower. I wish that world was always there, or more often, but I'm afraid it won't come back."

"That world can come back, Skylar, but you have to make it yourself."

"I think I know what you mean, but that idea scares me."

"Of course it does. That's why I'm here, and your mother, and Raven.”

We chatted a bit further on the events of the past weeks, and at some point I asked:

“Ah yes, another thing, Riley..."

"Yeah?"

"I want to try something else, but I find it a bit awkward to ask."

"Awkward can be fun..."

"I'd like to try something sensual again, but without you there."

"I think I know what you mean. Next time I'll bring a few things."

“And another thing: What should I wear at your party?”

“That’s your decision. Anything you feel comfortable in.”

"Riley?"

"Yes?"

"I think you're amazing. Can I give you a hug?"

"I think you're amazing too. Come here."

To: Skylar's Diary - Day 31