Skylar's Diary - Day 14

A day with ups and down, as you will see, Dear Diary. Today I didn't have to go to school, and in the morning I was home alone. Mother went to work all day. Of course, I was thinking all the time about the afternoon, when Riley's cousin would be coming over. In the morning I already put on the dress I was going to wear, even though I didn't really have to. That way I could get used to it, and as I confessed yesterday, I'm starting to like to wear girl's clothes, although I still feel guilty about it. "That feeling will disappear," said Riley, "and it helps if you wear those clothes in the presence of people who understand."

Yesterday I already chose a cotton moss green waistless dress. I do like the freedom of my body in such a waistless dress. It had a white marine collar with ruffles, and a dark green bow. I combined it with a knitted woolen sea pink cardigan that I left open. My shoes were brown, with a small heel and ankle straps. If you wonder where I learned all those fancy words, that's Riley's merit of course. In the morning I worked for school, played some computer games, and around noon I had something to eat. 

As time went on I became a bit more nervous, and I had trouble focusing. Suddenly the bell rang. My heart started pounding fast. There was no way back, I had to open the door. Just do it, show self-confidence, be friendly. I went to the front door, and opened it.

"SKYLAR?!"

"RAVEN?!"

My heartbeat went into overdrive. "I'm dead. My life is ruined," I thought.

Neither of us knew what to say. We stood there staring at each other. What was I supposed to do? I couldn't slam the door in front of her. I couldn't run away either. But I wasn't ready to ask her in. Raven also looked at me with a surprised look.

Maybe I should tell you who Raven is, Dear Diary. Raven is a girl from my class at school. I don't know her very well, we never said that much to each other, but I have known her for a while of course. As far as I know, Raven is a nice good-looking girl. She is great with others, and she also has a few admirers among the boys. 

Raven was the first to break the embarrassing silence.

"M-may I come in?"

"Y-yes, of course", I said rather automatically, because that's how you are supposed to respond.

"This is embarrassing," I then said, as she came in.

"Skylar, you have to believe me, but I really didn't know I was going to see you today. Honestly, no."

"I didn't know either, but it doesn't matter anymore. My life is over. The whole school will know now."

"Oh no, Skylar. Absolutely not. Never. I won't tell anyone about this. To no one, do you hear? You have to trust me."

"I can only hope so. Do you mind if I change my clothes?"

"I understand, Skylar. Well, it’s okay."

I told her to wait in the living room while I went to change. I was just standing in my room, but apparently she had followed me.

"Skylar, for me you don't have to change. I don't want to put any pressure on you, but actually you're supposed to keep those clothes on."

"I know that, Raven, but they make me feel uncomfortable."

"That's why I'm here, Skylar, to help you get rid of that feeling. Look, I've seen you like this anyway, so it doesn't matter anymore. And besides, I think you're wearing a very nice outfit. Can you just try it a little longer?"

"OK, then, for a while. Shall I take your coat?"

"Thank you." She took off her coat and gave it to me.

"Nice dress you're wearing, Raven." (Two weeks ago, I would never think of giving a compliment on a girl's dress.)

"Oh, thank you."

"Do you want something to drink?"

"Yes, a glass of water is fine."

"Come on, let's sit in the kitchen."

I poured two glasses and put them on the table. There we sat at the table, me in my waistless moss green dress with white collar and a sea pink cardigan. The table gave me a bit of protection, as I could hide a bit underneath it. I couldn't look at Raven yet.

"Skylar, we don't know each other very well, but I want to repeat that no one will ever know anything. You have to trust me."

"I have no choice, I guess."

"Nothing needs to change in our plans. I knew I would go to a boy in a dress, just not that it would be someone from my class. However, I really don't have a problem with that. On the contrary, I think it's a very good idea for you to try this. More boys should do this, I'm sure."

"To be honest, I'm not convinced of that yet. It's still very awkward." 

"I'm going to be honest too. I also have to get used to it, but when you think about it, there's nothing wrong with it. Tell me, how long have you been seeing Riley?"

"About two weeks."

"And how'd it go so far?"

"It remains a very strange experience, but Riley is a really nice girl."

"I think so too. I've always had a high regard for her. Was that bracelet from the day before yesterday her idea?"

"Not quite, we made that choice together."

"That was a good choice. And what did you like best so far?"

"Gaming with Riley. A dance game."

"Oh, that must have been fun. Do you want to play that with me too?"

"Maybe later."

And so the conversation continued. Gradually we talked about ordinary things. My attention was distracted from the strange situation we were in. We talked about school, about the other children in our classroom, about some teachers... It was actually quite easy to talk to Raven. She is very relaxed and open-minded. I have to admit that I also have been appreciating Raven for a while now. She is a pretty and lovely girl.

A bit later we started playing the dance game (I took off my shoes, and so did she). Raven had also played such games before, so she was pretty good at it. But the last few days I practiced, and I knew what I had to do to win. Even more fun was to play online against other couples. To win, Raven and I had to work well together, and dance as synchronously as possible. That was really fun. We laughed a lot. At one point I asked Raven.

"Raven, do I look like a girl?"

"Of course I know you, Skylar, and your face has some boyish traits, but there are also girls with similar traits. But someone who doesn't know you, will probably think you're a girl. And do I look like a girl?"

"No, not like a regular girl. You look more like a princess who has to grow up among ordinary children, but she doesn't know about her royal status yet."

"Now you're sweet talking."

Afterwards we also baked cupcakes in the kitchen. That was Raven's idea. It was something she liked to do, and so I learned something new. Eating the cupcakes, I had experience with that! The afternoon went by quickly. In the end I just kept my dress on all the time. When the afternoon was almost over, Raven said: "I enjoyed the time with you, Skylar."

"I enjoyed your company too, Raven."

"This is not part of the plan, but would you like to hang out with me tomorrow after school?"

That question came unexpectedly, but I couldn't say no.

"Of course, but then I won't put on a dress."

"Oh no, you don't have to. Let's just go somewhere after school."

"Deal."

The doorbell rang. Riley came to pick up Raven again, but we did have a bean to pick with her. I opened the door.

"And, how was your afternoon?" Riley asked.

"Terrible," I said with a pathetic face.

"Really? Are you serious? Where's Raven?"

"She' s still here, but she's angry."

"Why is she angry? What went wrong?"

"Come in for a moment," I said.

We walked to the living room, where Raven was sitting in the chair, with an angry face.

"Riley, we have a score to settle with you!"

"But what did I do wrong?"

"Skylar and I are in the same class together."

"What? Seriously?"

"Yes, we are," I confirmed, still with a pathetic face.

"Oh no, I'm so sorry. I really didn't know that. This was not the plan."

Riley came across as very honest and sincere, so Raven and I were already reassured. She hadn't done it on purpose.

"But what have you been doing all the time?" she asked.

"Most of the time? Gossiping about you of course!," said Raven, and then she couldn't suppress her smile anymore.

"It was actually a nice afternoon," I said, "but I was really shocked when I opened the door."

"I can imagine that, Skylar. I'm so sorry, it's my fault."

"I'm not mad at you, Riley. It all worked out well. Your cousin is a very nice girl."

We talked a bit more, but we didn't have much time. The shock is still shimmering. The idea that someone at school now knows what I'm doing, is not comfortable. On the other hand, I really think I can trust Raven. I added her name to my second list.

To: Skylar's Diary - Day 15