Skylar's Diary - Day 24

Dear Diary, yesterday I showed myself very brave, and I know there’s no way back now, but I still feel a lot of doubt. It all has to be perfect, but luckily Raven, Riley and mother are there to support me.

Today after school we went to a special shop to try on dresses for the wedding. Of course Raven couldn't suppress her enthusiasm. I admit, it could not do it without having such a great partner in crime.

My first fear were the saleswomen in the shop. What would they think? However, my fear had no ground. These ladies were very well prepared and were expecting my arrival. Apparently they even enjoyed putting a boy like me in beautiful dresses. 

The plan was that Raven and I would wear the same dress at the wedding, so we both had to look good in it. What I also suspected was that it would be a long hunt. I think Raven and I tried on about twenty dresses, so we spent a couple of hours in the shop. I was a bit nervous at first, but all those women were so encouraging that I was soon relaxed.

In the end we all chose (yes, I agreed with that choice) a short white dress with a big bow and thin shoulder straps, but I'm not going to show it to you today, Dear Diary. You won't get to see those dresses until the day of the wedding.

The fabric was quite thin, so I have to be careful what I will wear under the dress. I had put on my black boyshorts panties, but they were visible through the dress.

"Hmm, I recommend underwear in skin colour, or pink, or red," said one of the saleswomen.

Of course, the other girls thought that was funny. Well, if I can choose, it will be red. The color of Mars. Then there's at least one masculine element in my outfit.

Afterwards, we all went out for a bite to eat, and the girls' enthusiasm was still not tempered. They kept talking about the wedding, and what they could do, and what they shouldn't forget, and who should take care of what. Luckily I don't have to worry about that. I have agreed with Raven though to practice tomorrow after school.

"What do we have to practice on?" I asked.

"You'll see," she answered.

Of course she liked to keep it a secret for a while. It didn't really matter to me. I was looking forward to another evening with Raven.

When mother and I came home, it was already quite late, but we still had a little chat in the couch. It turned out to be an emotional conversation, because at a certain moment I asked:

"Mother, what would dad have thought about me doing this?"

I saw that she was having a hard time with that question, but she answered anyway.

"He is no longer there to tell you, but he would have fully supported you, I’m sure. Your father was quite popular with everyone who knew him. He had accomplished a lot in life, until that stupid illness became fatal to him."

It's true. He also loved me very much, and I loved him.

"He was a soft man, but for him that was a way to get a lot of things done. He hated men trying enforce their decisions in an authoritarian way. He felt that no one should feel bad about a decision, and if they did, he would try to help those people in a different way."

"But his son as a bridesmaid?"

"He must have had to get used to that idea, but if he saw that you felt good about it, he would have supported you. Especially if he knew that you would be doing other people a great favor with that. He would have been proud of you."

"And all those sessions with Riley?"

"My feeling is that those sessions have done you good. I think you feel better in your own skin, although there are uncertainties now that were not there before. And I also expect some obstacles in the future, but I think you're going to come out stronger, too. I admit it, I'm not very sure. But what I am sure of is that we have grown closer together again, and I am very happy about that, since I see a part of your father in you."

I sat down next to my mother and laid myself against her, just like when I was a little boy.

"I love you, mother."

"I love you too, Skylar."

To: Skylar's Diary - Day 25