Skylar's Diary - Day 5

After that exciting day yesterday, we took it easy today. We simply stayed at home. Shortly before Riley arrived, I quickly put on the shorts and the pink t-shirt, as well as the black flats.

"So, I thought you would never put them on again?" said Riley when she came in.

"I have to admit they're comfortable, and above all, they're very easy to put on and take off."

Riley smiled. A little too triumphant, I figured.

She had a bag of clothes with her (where does she keep getting them from?), but quite common things actually. I went through the heap, and eventually chose to wear simple black shorts (without pockets, so I couldn't be fooled), and a simple black top that was actually a bit too short, so you could see a piece of my belly. I tried to pull it down. "Don't bother," said Riley. There were some longer tops, but they were too girly. There was also a cardigan in the bag, and it was comfortable. 

"What are you wearing?" Riley asked. 

"You can see that, can't you? A cardigan."

"Can you describe it in words?"

"Erm, a knitted cardigan, light gray, slightly oversized, so loosely fitting."

"Fine." 

Why does she ask that now, I thought, but I had a more urgent question "Riley, why do you want me to put on those girls' clothes?"

"Oh, I could talk about that for hours, and I promised to be honest with you. Let's sit in the living room in the couch. With a cup of tea or so?"

A little later we were sitting on the couch with a cup of tea, and cookies. Pretty cozy. 

"About the clothes, Skylar. It's not really about the clothes themselves, but about the impact they have. Do you remember how aware you were of your body when you got out of the car yesterday?"

"I really didn't feel comfortable."

"Indeed. You could say, they're just clothes, pieces of fabric that cover your body, but that's not how it works. Clothes do have an impact on what you think, how you feel. And I want to show you that there are other ways of thinking and feeling."

"I still understand, but then I might as well put on some crazy boys' clothes."

"That may be true, but we'd have to do really crazy things, and you'd look too eye-catching. Then maybe you'll do things that really don't suit you.  And to be honest, I also want you to explore your feminine side."

"What's that good for? I'm a boy after all."

"I know that, and I also think that you are actually a very cool boy. But everyone has both male and female traits, but boys tend to suppress the latter. We don't think that's good for their development. Look, women started exploring their masculine side a long time ago. They used to all be at home as housewives, but in the meantime they have started to study and work, and some of them run large companies or even countries. Their clothing has followed that trend. Girls used to have many restrictions, but now they wear anything. I say it: what you wear also determines who you are".

"But I don't want to be a girl!"

"That's really not the plan, Skylar. The goal is to explore. Out of your comfort zone. To wear other things, and consequently to think and feel differently. There are still so many options..."

"I guess I don't like it anyway."

"I understand that. These are internal barriers and taboos imposed by society. I want to help you to lift these barriers. And I want to break those taboos together with you. You will notice how liberating that is. Compare it with a roller coaster. Before you get in, you're a bit scared. But once you're in it, that fear turns out to be unfounded. Think of yesterday."

"I know what you mean. Afterwards, I found it exciting and actually also funny."

"I really appreciate you saying that. And then there's a second advantage. By doing this, you can better empathize with the lives of girls. Someone who can do that well, will benefit a lot from it. Wait, you'll see."

"Hmm, I doubt that."

We talked a bit more, also about very everyday things. About my school, about her work and her studies (she's in college, major psychology). Then she asked if I wanted to watch a movie. She had brought a DVD, "My Girl". Typical Riley. At first I thought I wouldn't like that, one of those old girl movies (made more than a decade before I was born). But it was actually a beautiful movie. It was a sad story. I tried to hold back, but at a certain point I started to snivel. But Riley was crying too. 

"Yes, that's number 7 on your list."

OK, there she had me. She also gave me a paper tissue. She had set them up beforehand, so sweet.

"And that's number 12", she said.

I took my list again, and numbered the items. So I can already check number 7. Number 12 is actually for Riley. I think I should mark number 11 for myself instead.

To: Skylar's Diary - Day 6